Only Hope
by beautifully-tragic-me
Summary: Bella Swan lost both her parents, and is now left to care for her younger sister. After struggling with grief, she meets the Cullens, but will she be able to open up to them, or will she lock away her secrets once again? R & R. Rating may go up.


I used to be a normal girl. I used to have a mom and a dad who were madly in love with each other. I used to be daddy's little girl. But that changed. A year and a half ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Six months later, she passed away. My dad was crushed. He stayed sane for a while, but I can imagine that was only because he had my seven-year-old sister, Evelyn to look after. Once my aunt moved to town, he realized that he was cracking. Evelyn and I would come home and he would be drunk and angry. He turned abusive.

But that all ended when he killed himself with a drug overdose. I'm the only one that knows it was a suicide, for sure, because I was the one that got the note. He addressed it to me.

_My Dearest Bella, _

_Please don't be angry with me for doing this to you, but I know that I can't live without your mother. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt Evelyn. But I just can't stand living if your mother isn't living too._

_I request of you one thing: take care of your sister. You're the only one she has now, and she needs you. I left everything to you, so you have enough to get through this._

_I love you._

_Dad._

And that was it. I do my best to follow through with his wishes, but it's hard. I'm a junior in high school raising her seven-year-old sister. Life's tough, but I go with it.

Monday. My least favorite day of the week. Wonderful. I flew through my first four periods, and listened to the gossip about the five new students that had come to join Forks High School. The new doctor apparently had five foster kids. Weird, I had thought the doctor was really young.

When lunch rolled around, I scanned the cafeteria for an empty table. I found the last empty table in the far corner of the cafeteria. It was perfect. I walked over, set down my books, and pulled out the apple that I had packed for lunch along with my tattered copy of Pride and Prejudice. Just as I had settled down to have the only peaceful half hour of my day, I heard a bright voice directed towards me.

"Hi," she said, and I looked up. I didn't recognize her. Her dark, shoulder length brown hair framed a beautiful pixie-like face. She was gorgeous. "Do you mind if we sit here?" She gestured to the five empty chairs around my table. I looked around. They were the only free ones in the cafeteria.

I realized she was staring at me. Oh. She wanted an answer. "Sure," I said. I was about to turn back to my book when she talked to me again.

"I'm Alice Cullen," she said. She was still smiling. "What's your name?"

"Bella," I said, looking around at the five new faces that sat around me. I realized that these were the new kids. "Bella Swan."

"Nice to meet you Bella! Like I said, I'm Alice, this is Jasper," she motioned to the blonde haired boy sitting next to her. "and Rosalie and Emmett," she pointed to the very buff man nearest me, and the blonde who was holding his hand. "and Edward." She pointed to the golden-brown haired boy who sat across the table from me. They were all beautiful, but he was by far, the most gorgeous. His golden eyes locked with mine, and I felt a blush creep into my cheeks. He smiled at me, and I turned even redder.

"Well, it's nice to meet you all." I murmured. I got several nods in return, and even a few smiles. There was quite a bit of chatter amongst us during the lunch hour, but I tried to keep to myself. As soon as the bell rang, I jumped up and left, walking quickly towards my next class.

But Alice was quick too. "What's your next class?" she asked, looking over at me, as she walked.

"Algebra II," I said, turning towards my locker. She stopped with me, and turned to the locker next to mine. She opened it, and without a word, she pulled out the Algebra book that was identical to mine.

"Me too!" she said, as she shut her locker. "Come on, let's go!"

Over the next month or so, I opened myself up to Alice and the rest of the Cullens. But not all the way. I was careful with what I said around them, making sure to keep my family out of the discussion. I did slip up at one point, mentioning that my mother had died, and I mentally kicked myself.

"Oh, Bella!" Alice had said, "I'm so sorry!" She jumped up and gave me a hug, then pulled back quickly. She was incredibly cold. Everyone else had just given me sympathetic looks. After that, I never mentioned my family again.

The Cullens were a mysterious family. They never did reveal a lot about themselves, always asking questions rather than answering them. And they were all together. As couples, I mean. Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett. Edward was alone, and he intrigued me the most.

His liquid topaz eyes always seemed to startle me. I would catch him looking at me, as though he was trying to figure out what I was thinking, but when I made eye contact, hew would look away. It was very frustrating.

One morning, I was sitting by my locker with all of the Cullens. We had formed a sort of friendship, and I could rely on them to be there almost every day.

"Will school ever end?" groaned Emmet, leaning his head back against the metal lockers.

"Oh, suck it up," replied Alice, smiling, like always. "It's only November 6th!" I felt the color drain out of my face. November 6th? It couldn't be. I couldn't have forgotten. That was impossible.

"Bella?" said Emmett. "Hello? Hello?!" he got in my face, and I finally realized he was talking to me. I couldn't find my voice; I just stood up, and turned towards the front door. Alice was by my side in an instant.

"Bella? What's wrong with you?" she asked, but I couldn't respond. My heart hurt way too much to even fathom opening my mouth and putting a sentence together.

I took off running, sprinting to my truck, and throwing my body into the seat. I let the sobs overwhelm me, as I locked the doors and started the engine. I could see Alice and Rosalie walking towards the truck in my rear view mirror and I pulled it together enough that I could pull out of the parking lot and drive down the road a ways.

I turned on to a dead end road, and killed the engine. I sobbed for a few moments, wondering why I was such a rotten person that I could have forgotten the one year anniversary of my mother's death. It was November 6th, and my heart seemed to be torn in two by the fact that I could have forgotten about this day.

I suddenly knew what I had to do. The wind was furious outside my window, but I didn't care. I drove to the nearest florist and bought the biggest bouquet of freesias I could find. My face was puffy and tear-stained, and I hated getting those looks of sympathy from everyone. If only they understood what a monster I was.

I drove to the cemetery as fast as my truck would allow. I grabbed my sweater and the tattered blanket that I kept in my truck, along with the flowers and walked to my mother's grave. I sat down, and let the tears come again, as I traced her name on the tombstone.

It had started to rain by now, but it was only a light drizzle. I silently cursed myself for not grabbing my jacket from my locker before I left. I shivered, and lay down between my mother and fathers graves. I pulled the blanket over me, and lay my sweater over my head. That would keep the rain out.

I had no idea that so much time had passed, but I looked at my watch, and noticed that it was noon. Four hours had passed, and I sat up, my back stiff. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. It was just starting a torrential downpour.

That's was one thing I loved about the rain. It's hard to tell if you're really crying.

My body shook with grief, as I picked up the freesias, and held them under the protection of the blanket. I inhaled their scent, but that only made me sob harder. They smelled like my mother.

I heard the voice in the distance, but I ignored it. It sounded far away. "Bella?" it called again, and I tried to control my sobs, but they won. I couldn't stop crying now. I couldn't breathe. "Bella," the voice was now right next to me. I looked up, and his eyes were full of concern.

I couldn't speak. I tried to stop the tears, but I couldn't. He sat down next to me, and he pulled me into his side. I laid my head on his shoulder, and I realized how hard it was raining.

"You're getting soaked," I commented, using what little air the sobs would allow. "Just go, I'm fine." I lied, and tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me.

"Bella," he lifted my chin up, so my tear streaked face would face his. "You are not fine, and I could never leave you like this."

With ease, he lifted me into his lap, and stroked my cheeks, pulling the hair out of my face. He started to hum a soft melody, so soothing that my sobs subsided and my body stopped shaking. I couldn't stop the tears, but at least I could breathe.

"Bella," he began, and I looked up at him. "I've tried my hardest to distance myself from you. But I can't anymore. I need you."

The sobs started again, my body heaving with the effort of breathing and crying.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

I gathered up enough air to speak.

"I don't deserve you," he started to speak, but I cut him off. "I'm a monster. I don't even remember my own mother."

He pulled my chin up to face him again. "You are not a monster. You are human, and I care about you so much. I never want to see you hurting. You're my only hope."

And with that, he pulled me back to his chest, and as the tears subsided, so did the rain.


End file.
